Remembering Happiness
by unzulaenglichkeit
Summary: Sora has lost the love of her life. Now she has troubles dealing with her life alone. Sidestory to Sharing the Pain. reposted


This is a short Taiora side story to "Sharing the pain". I would recommend reading "Sharing the pain" first but for those of you who are not interested I'll give a short summery now, everyone else just skip the next paragraph or read "Sharing the pain" first: 

Taichi died and left his friends to wonder about the circumstances. Hikari and Yamato are having a hard time dealing with his death for different reasons and both of them eventually go to the Dark Ocean were their paths are crossing and there they spend some time together licking their wounds. 

Remembering Happiness

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." 

Jack Lemmon 

With her head resting on her arms she sat at her desk looking at the small photo in front of her. The wind had torn the clouds apart and now the pale moonlight was shining through her window. The silver picture frame was beautifully glittering in the cold glow. Just like the silvery tears, which were running down here cheeks. She just couldn't take her eyes from the small photo, a relict now from happier times. 

It was a picture of her and her boyfriend, taken about three years ago. She had been so happy back then. Never again would life be this careless and full of joy, now that she had lost her most precious thing in life. Life had been so wonderful back then and now there was nothing left to hope for. All her plans and hopes for the future were shattered in this final moment when his heart stopped beating forever. She really hadn't seen it coming. Almost every day had seemed to her like the day of their first date, the day when this photo had been taken. 

A boy with huge brown hair and grinning like the Chestershire Cat was standing behind a shyly smiling girl with short coppery-red hair and embracing her with his arms. 

She could remember how happy she had been there in his arms. She had been so sure that she had really found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. When she was dating Yamato she had never felt like it would work for such a long time. Sure, he had always been nice and caring but she had missed something. Somehow she felt as if he wasn't completely happy in their relationship but he never told her what he really felt until she finally found the courage to break up. 

She had suspected that he just kept going on with their relationship because he was afraid of hurting her. She had tried to get him out of his shell but she never really managed to convince him to give up his life as a loner and she had felt sorry for him when she saw how quickly he began to withdraw again after their break up. 

They were probably really too different to make it work. They were still good friends but obviously it wasn't enough to keep up a more intimate relationship. 

With Taichi it was different. They had been friends for as long as she could remember and they never really had major problems. If somebody had asked her some years ago about her feelings towards him she would have told them that he was like a brother to her. They were always closest friends even after Yamato and the others had come into their lives. They would still talk about everything and have fun together like it had always been. 

But then rather suddenly they seemed to grow apart. They would still spend much time together but now they began to act differently towards each other. She noticed Taichi's strange behaviour in her presents and how he seemed to be somewhat uncomfortable when they were close together like they had always been since they were little kids playing in the park together. 

This was when she started to spend more time with Yamato and shortly after they started dating. Taichi even helped her make the first step. He encouraged her to tell him how she felt. Her happiness was more important to him than his own! 

The soft sound of her tears hitting the glass of the small picture frame was the only thing disturbing the otherwise absolutely silent apartment. Nobody was there to comfort her with her mother on a business trip and her boyfriend dead. She was left completely alone with her grief. 

There were no relatives she could ask for help and her friends had their own troubles to get through this tragedy. Poor, little Hikari. She had to admit that the younger girl wasn't a little kid anymore but still she saw in her the younger sister she never really had but who needed to be protected, especially now that her only brother was dead. 

But how could they protect her when they didn't even know where she was? She had been missing since yesterday and nobody had a clue to what may have happened. It was the same day that the rest of them had met in the park where she had asked them to support the younger girl in those hard hours of grief. Of course all of them had agreed but now they had to face new problems. 

Later that evening Hikari's mother had called and asked her if her daughter was over. It turned out that she had gone for a walk but never returned home. She called all the others as well but nobody had seen her. But, as if that wasn't enough, Yamato seemed to be missing as well. Both of them seemed to have vanished without leaving a trace of where they had gone. 

Fresh tears were coming to her eyes again. Together they had managed to make it even through the greatest dangers in the Digi-world but now they seemed to be so completely helpless. She desperately wanted everything to be like it had been only weeks ago but she felt as if there was nothing she could do. She had lost the person she loved the most in the whole world, one of her best friends had disappeared just like the girl who was the closest thing to a sister she ever had. She lost so much already and now her whole life threatened to crumble to dust. To do something, to make it stop that's all she wanted but at the same time she felt as if every time she found happiness everything would slip away like sand running through her fingers. Everything she did was futile. 

Did she ask for too much? Other people were happy too so why couldn't she be happy? What had she ever done wrong to deserve such a hard punishment? She had always tried to live up to the expectations people placed in her but still she had always managed to stay true to herself. Hadn't she been everything one could expect from a friend, a daughter, or just a normal young girl? But why was she supposed to lose everything in life, which brought her happiness? She had no idea. 

The picture on the desk was now only a blur of pale colors in the soft silvery moonlight. Taichi had been dead only for a few days but she already missed him terribly. Only imagining that she would never see him again was almost too much to bear. If she only had seen it coming maybe she would have been able to help him. But obviously he was a lot better at hiding secrets form her than she had suspected. Had he told anyone about his problems? 

Maybe Hikari but then again the younger girl was broken when she found out what had happened. If she had known about his problems before she wouldn't have reacted like that. No, Hikari was clueless and that's why the shock was even harder on her. 

Yamato would have been the next closest person to Taichi and she knew how much he had trusted the young blonde. But would he have told him about such personal problems and how had Yamato reacted if he really had known more then the rest of them? Was this the reason why he was missing now? 

He never spoke much but thinking about it now she had to admit that he was alarmingly quiet since the funeral. Had he even spoken a single word? She wasn't sure anymore. They had focused their attention on Hikari for obvious reasons but what if Yamato was far deeper involved into this tragedy than she had suspected before? Maybe he had known everything but was unable to help his friend. Or perhaps he was the reason why Taichi was addicted to these horrible things. Nobody else had known about it until he was dead so almost any kind of connection to the young Ishida was possible. 

They were possible, yes, but she couldn't imagine the young holder of the crest of friendship to let his best friend down. No, she knew him better than that. He wasn't perfect, not even near perfection but he was always honest and after all one of his strongest traits was friendship. No matter how many problems he had to face himself he would still be there for his friends whenever they needed him. 

She wanted to ask him all those questions which where going through her head but would he really tell her what he knew if he was here now? He hadn't told them earlier so what reason would he have to tell them now? 

Maybe he was with Hikari. She honestly hoped for them being together. It would be much more likely for them to do something stupid when they were on their own but if they were together they might keep each other from rushing into things without thinking about the consequences. 

Despite the grief she couldn't keep a small smile from coming to her lips at the thought that came to her mind. If the circumstances were different those two would really make a cute couple. She had seen Yamato looking at Hikari when he thought nobody else was watching him but she wasn't sure about his feelings towards the younger girl. Did he see her only as his best friend's fragile little sister or was it more? She had never confronted him and he had never lost a single word about it so she really didn't know. Taichi would have been furious if he knew that his best friend was interested in his precious little sister! But who knows, maybe he would have been thankful that it was his best friend and not somebody else whom he didn't know and therefore wouldn't trust. 

If they can leave the past behind maybe they will find happiness one day. But happiness was a thing she couldn't imagine to be hers ever again. Of course she would keep going but she didn't hope for anything anymore. The person she had loved more than her own live had died and with him all her dreams. 

Now, after being stripped from all illusions, she had to face reality alone and she was afraid. Was this the reason why Yamato was always so serious? He was forced to face the real world at an awfully young age and he had managed to pull through. He had learned to hide his weaknesses and to stand up for himself and the people he cared for. He was strong despite his flaws but what about her? Would she ever be able to forget and to handle the upcoming tasks of life alone? Even if she was how could she ever be happy again? It was unthinkable for her. 

But she had to live. Taichi would want her to live and to love again. 

Her tears were still fresh but she was exhausted and sleep was slowly taking over. She tried to keep her eyes open but it was too tempting to give in to the blissful oblivion and so she finally let her eyes sliding closed and awaited the coming of the new nightmares which would surely haunt her for a long time. 

* * * 

If you did or didn't like what you read you may tell me in a review. I prefer constructive criticism to improve my 'writing' but I'll also accept flames only they won't help to make things better. But don't harass just because you didn't like the pairing or because of minor grammar errors ( I know that they are there and I'm trying to find them but my time to do that is limited ). Otherwise I'm not that choosy so: give me what you've got! 


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